Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letterbox.

Matt Smash!

frazyah — Sat, 11 Sep 2010 22:40:42 +0000

I have been angrier than usual lately. No idea why, but I nearly lost it over a sandwich. Really bothers me now.

In other news, life is complicated

Make

frazyah — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 04:03:31 +0000

I feel suddenly enamored by the idea of creating something (by suddenly I mean over the last few weeks). Not enamored in the obsessed with love sort of way, but more fascinated by the idea and its possibilities. To build, to create, to bring life and power into an object or place that held none before. To see in the mind, and have that sight realized by the work of one’s hands. I don’t have a medium, or really even any clarity in the matter, but I feel as though there is some great creative force building inside me that must vent itself eventually.

Now all I need is an inspiration. Or perhaps a muse…

Mobility!

frazyah — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 00:06:51 +0000

I can now post to the blog from my phone. I don’t know if this will happen often do to my fat fingers and the stupidity of my phones predictive text, but its nice to know I have the option. In other news, chick-fil-a spicy chicken is delicious!

And here is a photo of Dan I took on my phone.

frazyah — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 07:47:30 +0000

So, I’ve been trying to win the lottery without buying a ticket.

Turns out it doesn’t work very well.

That’s all you get, but I think you can figure it out.

Shame

frazyah — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 04:04:35 +0000

I have “written” the post I spoke of before my birthday about 3 times in my head now, and about 1.5 times on paper. The problem with all these early drafts, is that while they speak very deeply about who I am and what I am going through, I refuse to whine about my life the the void if the internet. Seems shallow and ridiculous, to be honest. Also, a great many of my words would be very hurtful to one person who has mattered a great deal to me, and I do not feel as though causing that hurt would be worth having said the words. So I am lead to this; a post made from my actions and thoughts of the past few days, and how my thinking has changed.

I went to see Eclipse with Josh today. Yes, a 26 year old and his friend, the 30something youth director he volunteers with, went to see a movie about a teenager who falls in love with a vampire. We laughed about it when Josh suggested it, but ended up going anyway and really enjoyed it.* But it got me thinking about popular conventions, and about how people fear to live their lives in the way they wish because of what others think. Suddenly, I don’t care. I don’t care that you think Twilight is stupid, and I don’t care that you think video games are rotting the brains of America’s youth, or that you think less of me for enjoying them both. I just don’t. I’m tired of making decisions afraid of how they will be perceived. So I’m not going to worry about it anymore. That doesn’t mean your opinion isn’t valuable, just that I’m not going to let it influence mine. So there!

Just so it’s out there, I’m totally Team Edward. Jacob is cool and all, but he is just way too whiny.

frazyah — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 04:25:52 +0000

So, apparently I’m an asshole.

Through a serious amount of introspection, and through a little bit of outside help, it has come to my attention that I am fairly often a jerk to a great many people. I condescend, provoke, and berate my fellow man, on what now seems to me to be a regular basis. Even my closest friends aren’t immune. In fact, a many of them get a heavier dose of it because a) they are around more, and b) they seem to be better equipped to take it. But it occurs to me now that this isn’t so much of a problem as it is a symptom of a larger issue I have oh so recently uncovered.

I don’t care. At all.

Apathy seems to have advanced on all fronts from the tiny little corner of my mind where it had set up camp, and has taken most of my life by storm. You don’t like me? Ok. You think that my words are mean spirited? That’s your opinion, I’m totally ok with that. I actually had the gall today to think in my head, “and what, prey tell, is wrong with that?” when someone said I was condescending. As though the only thing that was offending to me was that they could not accept my condescension. It is as though I have flipped the switch of being more open to others’ opinions, and flipped it so far that not only am I ok with their opinions, but I expect them to be totally accepting of mine. Why is it so hard to accept that I don’t care? Why is my apathy so offensive?

That is one messed up mode of thought.

*This was a byproduct of coalescence. Stay tuned, there’s more to follow.

frazyah — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 04:49:52 +0000

the sobering is done, the coalescing is not. Most likely either tomorrow after the USA match, but before work, or Saturday after work, but before anything else that happens Saturday.

frazyah — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 06:12:22 +0000

I am 26. I promise that I will have some thoughts on this as soon as I both a) sober up, and b) force those thoughts to coalesce. But for now, I’ll just leave you basking in the word “coalesce.”

Welcome one and all to the strangest show on Earth.

frazyah — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 20:56:05 +0000

To all my phantom readers, a belated welcome. I can only assume you are still lurking somewhere in the background, ready to pounce at a moment’s notice. So you can all see the shiny new disclaimer at the top of the page. If that is not to your liking,or if there is anything else you need, please let me know. Or if there’s topic you might like me to discuss, I can do that too. I am particularly fond of LOST.

an addendum

frazyah — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 08:33:54 +0000

welcome. If you have not been here since the last post (about december 16th or so) go ahead and scroll down and read the alst one before you take in this little piece of my brain.

Ok, all caught up? Got a few other thoughts that have been running through my head since I got that one out. The big one is that I’m not really in control of any of this. Nor have I ever really been. I just do my job, and then everything else will happen as it will. I was in the yard a bit ago enjoying the brisk night air, and I saw a shooting star that lasted a whole 2 seconds as it burned across the sky. No idea how I managed to turn around at exactly the right moment from exactly the right part of my yard to see it, but I did. But ultimately that’s the gem, the piece of information that keeps me going. I am not in control.