Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letterbox.

06/18/2010

So, apparently I’m an asshole.

Through a serious amount of introspection, and through a little bit of outside help, it has come to my attention that I am fairly often a jerk to a great many people. I condescend, provoke, and berate my fellow man, on what now seems to me to be a regular basis. Even my closest friends aren’t immune. In fact, a many of them get a heavier dose of it because a) they are around more, and b) they seem to be better equipped to take it. But it occurs to me now that this isn’t so much of a problem as it is a symptom of a larger issue I have oh so recently uncovered.

I don’t care. At all.

Apathy seems to have advanced on all fronts from the tiny little corner of my mind where it had set up camp, and has taken most of my life by storm. You don’t like me? Ok. You think that my words are mean spirited? That’s your opinion, I’m totally ok with that. I actually had the gall today to think in my head, “and what, prey tell, is wrong with that?” when someone said I was condescending. As though the only thing that was offending to me was that they could not accept my condescension. It is as though I have flipped the switch of being more open to others’ opinions, and flipped it so far that not only am I ok with their opinions, but I expect them to be totally accepting of mine. Why is it so hard to accept that I don’t care? Why is my apathy so offensive?

That is one messed up mode of thought.

*This was a byproduct of coalescence. Stay tuned, there’s more to follow.

06/17/2010

the sobering is done, the coalescing is not. Most likely either tomorrow after the USA match, but before work, or Saturday after work, but before anything else that happens Saturday.

06/12/2010

I am 26. I promise that I will have some thoughts on this as soon as I both a) sober up, and b) force those thoughts to coalesce. But for now, I’ll just leave you basking in the word “coalesce.”