Frazyah

I don’t really have much to say this morning. Just that paradigms are shifting all over the place these days. Its a strange ease that seems to wash over me every morning. Man, I wish I had words to describe it.

On a totally separate note (or maybe just a note I have not yet connected to the first) my imagination seems to be running wild. Crazy go nuts even. Its interesting to wonder if anything will come of it this time, we’ll find out soon enough.

I didn’t think so. As you may have noticed, I haven’t said much. Mostly because of the last post and me not wanting to be a liar, but also because I’ve not had much to say. So this one’s a little mopey.

An acquantence of mine made an offhand comment the other day (a nameless acquaintence, for their sake) in which they assumed my reaction to something they had done previously. Now I must admit I have oft been accused of being stoic or hard to read, but I tend to think that who or what I am are pretty obvious to the casual observer (they are to me at least). But this person, who was probably wholly confident in their assumption of me, was 100% off base in this assumption. And it got me wondering, these people who I spend my life near; what do they really know about me? About my past? About who I am? About the inner turmoil of my human condition? Not really as I relate to the people who casually pass through my life, but to those more rooted in it. The people who are acquaintences, even those who would call me friend. Do they at least know who I am?

And perhaps the more frightening question; do I?

Maybe call it the New Deal meets Deal or No Deal

I re-read my last 8 posts just now, and I must say I find them to be downright offensive in nature. I really don’t see my thoughts doing much meandering in them (save the Lent post) and several times I just posted a song. Poor form, Matt, especially from someone as verbose and loqucious as you happen to be (don’t bother to look them up, they both mean wordy). So I’m gonna try my best to be flippant, lighthearted, and perhaps a bit nonsensical over the next streach just to try out some new things. Expect the usual overabundance of commas, and pretty regular parenthesis (I like to think of them as a running commentary from within the post). And if you have thoughts or would like to know about something trivial or seemingly mundane, leave me a note!

M.D.

Listen up, all you sniv’ling and cowardly mice
You may live in your cage if you please
But not I, for I’ve learned not to take just a slice
When I’m destined to have the whole cheese.

It is I, Don Cerebro, the mouse of La Mancha
I’m blessed with a huge frontal lobe
For a mouse with my power, it won’t take an hour
I plan to take over the globe.
I plan to take over the globe.
Thanks to my huge frontal lobe.

Pay attention, you nobles and peasants of Spain
You may think that I haven’t a chance
But I have an immensely superior brain…
(And he’s wearing aluminum pants.)

Genius. If you know who is singing this song without looking it up, you may well be my favoritest person in the whole wide web. Not that its too hard to figure out.

I learned something interesting about myself today right before church. I had this moment, right as worship was starting, when I opened my bible and the sermon notes for today and thought to myself, “surely this can’t be…” But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I had just been ignoring it, telling myself that it was some other issue, that it was just the way things were. But right before church it hit me that I had been a dumbass for way too long. That I practically negated the last 4 years of my life, when I really think about it. Wasted them thinking something so blindly that I missed everthing right in front of my face. And to think I spent all that time wondering why things happened they way they did. Why some friends came and went, and why somethings that felt like they were going to work fell apart just as quickly. To make things clear, I don’t have any doubt that this is just the tip of the iceberg, and to be honest I’m not sure where I go from here; I know that its not the best of topics to be just blatantly writing about for the masses to see, but then again there are no masses here, just a few close friends (or at least friends who I thought were close until today, and who will hopefully still be close tomorrow). So I am going to skirt the issue here for the time being, its a conversation best left for more immediate mediums (those 2 words are fun to say together), but I will offer you this two-word tidbit to tide you over until such time as we speak on the matter; self relience. Bane of my existance.

Also, smoked my pipe for the first time in months today. Forgot how relaxing it was.

Didn’t think you guys wanted angsty self-loathing posts, so I have refrained from writing here over the last 2 weeks. I have now been 25 for 7 days, so its time to grow up.

Today Paul McCartney is 67. This day more than most days makes me smile. Mostly beccause I often wonder if Paul would have had the 64 he was planning on if Linda were still alive. That song has been a favorite of mine from the first time I ever heard it. Just the idea that he jokingly plays with the question of “will you?” for a day that was, when he wrote it, almost 30 years in the future. Plus, its a fun song.

I can’t possibly tell you how this song came to be in my head tonight, but man did it ever hit me like a ton of bricks that there is so much in my life I have never stopped to thank God for providing. Only Exultation members will really know it, but I’m certain the words are applicable to everyone.

For the beauty of the earth,
for the beauty of the skies,
for the love which from our birth
over and around us lies;
Lord of all, to thee we raise
this our joyful hymn of praise.

For the beauty of each hour
of the day and of the night,
hill and vale, and tree and flower,
sun and moon, and stars of light;
Lord of all, to thee we raise
this our joyful hymn of praise.

For the joy of human love,
brother, sister, parent, child,
friends on earth and friends above,
for all gentle thoughts and mild;
Lord of all, to thee we raise
this our joyful hymn of praise.

For each perfect gift of Thine,
to our race so freely given,
graces human and divine,
flowers of Earth and buds of Heaven;
Lord of all, to thee we raise
this our joyful hymn of praise.

I got promoted today.  District manager thinks I’m pretty damn awesome now, thank you.  Guess I’m supposed to be at Gamestop for at least a while longer.  Although, i do find myself saddened to be leaving the love of my life, Gamestop 816.  She was always good to me in the way she could be, and I will never forget my time with her and our many joyous moments;  Billy Idol Dance Parties, the early morning donuts, a store in so many ways similar to Empire Records that you almost wished it was open till midnight (some nights it was).  Yes, 816 was my first, and I will never forget the things she gave me…

also stephanie, I’m still tired.

I not no wheres else to go, so I might as well go here for a spell.  Sorry out there to Stephanie, for I am still tired, so no update on that post as yet (it needs some careful wording anyway so as protect the innocent anyway).  But I digress…

I have now been a college graduate for 2 whole years.  May 12, 2007 I walked across a stage in front of 10,000 people who didn’t care (and probably 100 who did), and I got my little green folder to comemorate my graduation from college.  Now I sell video games.  Don’t get me wrong, i love what I do and the people with whom I do it, but maybe, just maybe, this isn’t what I’m supposed to be doing with the rest of my life.  I’ve gotten to the point at work where the district manager is wondering about me.  some of you may know that I’m sort of next in line to be the assistant manager at the Gamestop where I work if/when Pat steps down again to focus more on school.  Well it has come to my attention that whoever takes Pat’s place is really more meant to be a stepping stone towards a store manager position somewhere down the line.  So now I’ve got some choices to make; is there a long term future for me at Gamestop?  Do I want there to be one?  Is it time for me to start thinking about moving on?  If so, what do I want to do?  Where do I go?  More sales?  Back to finance?  Accounting?  Small business ownership?  Competitive eating?  Wallowing in self pity? (done enough of that, thank you).  Short answer is, I do not know.  But maybe, just maybe, its time to start figuring that out.

I learned something last week. I will write about it when I am less tired.